Homeschool

 

I have been meaning to post my feelings about our family's homeschool experience.  We chose to homeschool because of the radically different environment in our town's public school.  It was quite a shock to have 30+ students per class with no help for the teachers.  Children that were sent to school completely unprepared to learn or obey.  Parents on the school grounds wearing immodest and vulgar clothing and speaking in the rudest way possible.  Many could not even communicate without becoming aggressive and swearing.

 

So, Merilee started begging to be homeschooled.  She would cry as I put her to bed on Sunday night because she didn't want to go to school the next day.  She came home chanting racist songs she learned on the bus (not realizing it was racist of course), telling me about different students that got in trouble that day.  One in particular would be sent to the office but would refused to go, so she stayed outside their classroom door banging on the door and floor, throwing a fit.  She was expelled but kept coming to school and the school couldn't do much about it.  Parents are arrested for truancy but released because there is no where to keep them and no one else to take care of the kids.  I could go on and on but the point is, we needed to at least TRY something different for our kids.

 

A few families at church homeschooled and some of them used a charter school in a nearby town.  I use the word 'nearby' loosely.  Nothing here in the desert is 'nearby'.  I checked it out and it seemed pretty doable.  They had curriculum lined out and provided all the materials.  They even had fun enrichment classes offered on Fridays.  I signed them up and even got Cara started in their speech program.  I got the house as organized as I could, we set up some goals, and began.  Well.....Ezra was almost 3 months old and still very needy, Holland was 3 and still very naughty and high maintenance.  I had more on my plate than I could handle most days.

So our days were supposed to start with scriptures, prayer, pledge, and then miraculously the days work would get done. HA!!  It was a struggle to get started.  As soon as we started there was interruption from one/both boys.  Cara was 100% dependent on me for instruction and direction.  Merilee was left to figure things out on her own.  If she had a question she had to skip it and wait on me to find a minute to help her.  Our day was miserable.  Ezra only napped for 20 minutes and Holland was bouncing out of control all over the house.  The girls argued and whined at me ALL.THE.TIME.  And housework was thrown out the window.  By the time Justin got home from work, I was angry.  I was starting to hate my life and responsibilities. 

I have learned a few things about myself.  I am NOT patient.  I miss hearing the teachers praise my children for their intelligence and hard work.  I like to have them tested and evaluated to compare their progress to other children.  I like to have them at the top of the class.  Homeschool did not give me those things.  How was I supposed to know if I was keeping them up with the other kids in public school.  Was I holding them back?

At Christmastime we took a much needed break.  I reevaluated how we were doing things.  What did I think was important for them to learn?  How could I make this more pleasant for ALL of us?  How could I get Ezra and Holland on a more manageable routine?  How could I RELAX?  I needed to find those little moments of joy in my day and enjoy my journey.  (I'm emotional and teary just typing this).

SO, I had to lighten our load and give myself a break.  I cut back on the amount of work the girls did.  For reading, if it wasn't spelling or grammar, they didn't do it.  I added in some spelling work.  I let Merilee start reading all the American girl books we could get our hands on.  Cara made HUGE progress with her reading ability and pace.  I was not pulling my hair out listening to her read.  This was a tender mercy.  She grasped reading at a vital time in my sanity;)  She is catching onto math quickly and I can give her work and she can do it without me next to her all the time.  This allows me to get some housework done.  I had to just accept that some thing just weren't going to get done some days.  My house is not picked up all the time and the dishes are done once a day.  Laundry sits in baskets or folded piles.  The girls have started emptying the dishwasher and folding clothes.  They are huge helps with Ezra.  Ezra started napping more in his crib.  Holland got a TV in his room.  (don't judge). 

However, even after all the changes to make homeschool work, it still feels like more of a burden than a joy.  I have decided with agreement from the girls that they will begin public school again in the Fall on a trial period.  In the mean time, I will be researching curriculum, educating myself, and feeling out where schooling is headed in this country.  If at winter break we feel like I can take on homeschool again, I will.

 I love them so much and don't want to hate my time with them.  It was a totally different kind of parenthood with lesson plans.  I don't want them to hate learning or feel unsafe or uncomfortable because of the naughtiness going on around them.  I want them to be KIDS and use their imagination.  I want them to respect me as their mother, teacher, counselor, and fellow daughter of God.  I want them to reach their potential which is limitless and have joy in their journey.